How to Heal from Toxic Personal Development Culture

I recently read an article by someone popular in the personal development space about “motion” vs. “action,” and it was full of frustrating logical fallacies.

For example: “If you send 10 emails to prospects, that’s motion. If you sign a new customer, that’s action.”

Essentially, this person was saying that “motion” is what you do, and “action” is the OUTCOME — a result that, if we’re honest here, may or may not be within your control.

This kind of thinking (and advice) is just plain toxic.

Yes, of course there's value in taking action, but tying your actions to outcomes is a recipe for disaster.

You are not in control of the entire world – you are in control of YOU. You have incredible power to influence the world, yes – but tying your actions to agendas (“If I do this, then I’ll get that”) is a toxic belief that engenders suffering for so many people.

What about when you send 100 emails and you only get one customer?

If you’re following the gurus’ advice, you just wasted your time on busywork.

However, if you’re sending the emails for YOU and not just to get new customers — when you take action from a place of devotion, rather than “disciplining” yourself to do something you dread...

That's when miracles happen.

And look, I'm ALL in favor of action (it's the primary way to make things happen in your world).

But I think most of us (fed a steady diet of toxic personal development platitudes) associate action with the “just do it” mentality.

And to me… the word “just” in that phrase represents a moral imperative.

Enfolded inside it is the question, “What’s wrong with you that you can't just do it?”

Yes, of COURSE you can “Just do it” – you’re not incapable, or lazy. And you don’t even need more of the “how” to do it.

What you need is to look straight at the tangled web of “thought knots” that are strangling your ability to move forward.

You don’t need to necessarily untangle them – that’s yet another way toxic personal development culture keeps you trapped in the full time job of “changing your thoughts” – but you need to see that they’re there, and safely and effectively separate yourself from them.

You need to be acutely aware of the way you are feeling AND the resistance to the way you’re feeling.

And you need compassionate strategies for making new meaning out of all of this – meaning that not only allows you to be perfectly okay with exactly how your current situation is showing up...

But ALSO drives you inherently to WANT to change it.

Yes, it IS absolutely possible to transform anything in your business or life, no matter how long you’ve struggled with it (a month, a year, decades, your entire life).

The toxic personal development overlords would have you believe it comes from grit and sacrifice and shame and blame.

But here's the truth:

We cannot shame people into change.

We cannot shame ourselves into change.

We cannot blame and berate people into taking better action.

Real, lasting transformation comes from understanding who you are at your core, before society and upbringing taught you who you “should” be.

It’s about becoming more of who you truly ARE at your core – without abandoning or harming yourself in the process.

Whatever may be holding you back – no matter how long you may have dealt with it (and regardless of whether it seems like an inside job or an outside circumstance)... there IS a way forward. Always.

(And it doesn't involve the word "just.")

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